Doechii has opened up about wrestling with suicidal thoughts after being bullied in school.
Speaking to The Cut, the Grammy Award-winner revealed the origin story behind her rap name, which came to her through God during a dark time in the 6th grade.
“I don’t want to get super-dark [but] I was getting bullied so bad that I was thinking about killing myself,” she told the publication, who noted that God told her to write down the phrase “I am Doechii.”
However, the Top Dawg Entertainment rapper said she decided that she wasn’t going to let the bullies win.
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“I realized, Oh, fuck, I’m gonna kill myself and then I’m gonna be the only one dead. The bullies aren’t gonna be with me, and everything they said is not coming with me either. I would just be gone,” she continued.
“And then I was like, Fuck that! Fuck that shit! I’m not going for that! And this wash of peace came over me, and I received ‘I am Doechii.’
“But it was more like this feeling of: I made a choice, a decision. I am the most important character in this movie. This is my motherfucking movie.”
Doechii is not the only TDE star to open up about her mental health struggles as a result of bullying.
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SZA previously admitted that she, too, was targeted by bullies in high school — an experience which moulded her into the person she is today.
“I was bullied because I wasn’t quiet and I was awkward at the same time. I wasn’t this tiny sad victim, but I was more so attacked just because it was giving ‘What is wrong with you?’ energy,” she told PEOPLE in 2023.
“I always thought, ‘Oh my God. I’ll never have the approval of anyone in life, this must be my defining factor, this must be the bottom line.'”
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The “Kill Bill” singer further reflected: “I realized that all the things that made me feel so lame were actually what made me into who I am. It’s like, I didn’t go to prom because I didn’t have any friends and I had no one to go to prom with … [and now] it’s so weird that my life turned into [having] a bodyguard while traveling to parties.
“All these things, if I had such a fulfilling existence and experience in high school, I would’ve felt validated to the point where I didn’t need to do anymore. [So] I just had to do more, I had to be more because I was like, ‘This shitty experience can’t be the end of it because if it is, I am cooked.’”
Fortunately, both women are doing just fine these days. Doechii is fresh off an big night at the Grammys, where she won Best Rap Album for Alligator Bites Never Heal and put on a show-stopping performance.
SZA, meanwhile, recently performed with Kendrick Lamar at the Super Bowl halftime show and dropped yet another expansion to her chart-topping album SOS.
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Anyone struggling with suicidal thoughts or their mental health is encouraged to call the toll-free 24-hour Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988.
