Ab-Soul Opens Up About Suicide Attempt: 'I Woke Up On The Floor'

Ab-Soul has opened up about his suicide attempt, speaking in depth for the first time about the day he tried to take his own life by jumping off a freeway overpass in his hometown of Carson, California.

The Top Dawg Entertainment rapper went into detail about the incident in a lengthy interview with Charlamagne Tha God ahead of the release of his new album Herbert, which dropped on Friday (December 16).

“I pretty much finished the album before I did what I did,” he said. “How I’m choosing to take it is — and I’m not giving it credit — but it brought me down to a place where I needed to be as vulnerable as possible, and as soon as I said everything I needed to say, I jumped.”

While Ab-Soul didn’t explain why he attempted suicide or when it happened exactly, he described feeling “lost” and said the experience had a profound impact on his life, helping him kick his vape habit.

“I took a leap of faith, if you will. And that was the only way I was going to be able to put that vape down, bro,” he continued. “Ain’t nobody going to rehab for a damn vape pen — shit expensive as hell! But that was the only way I was gonna be able to put that shit down, bro. I know that for a fact… I feel as though God sat my bitch-ass down.”

The TDE lyricist went on to describe the injuries he suffered — and is still recovering from — as a result of the suicide attempt, revealing he was almost left unable to walk.

“I lost my teeth,” he said. “This is a flipper, I ain’t even got my implants yet. My jaw’s fucked up, I got a lot of work to do still. My foot is completely reconstructed, all the way to my pelvis. Everything but my knee. It doesn’t even make sense that my knee wasn’t affected. My femur, everything was affected except my knee.

“If my knee would have been affected, I might not be walking. I did not get any brain damage. I jumped off a freeway overpass, man, it was about 50 feet. I think a car broke my fall. No brain damage. It’s God. That was, ‘Alright bro, now sit down and shut up. Take it all in. Relax. You blessed, man.'”

Ab-Soul also detailed the moments after his suicide attempt when he realized he was still alive.

“I woke up on the ground. ‘Oh yeah, he still here,'” he remembered. “My first thought was, ‘Fucking idiot”‘ I woke up on the floor, bro. Yanked me up, I passed back out and woke up in the hospital.

“I literally walked from my mom’s house. It was kinda cinematic, too. [I was] on Del Amo Boulevard, my street. The subconscious me was trying to make this cinematic. ‘Oh, he died in Del Amo! He was the king of Carson, oh my god!’ It was cinematic, you know what I’m saying?”

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Soul explained that he received an outpouring of support from friends and family after the incident — including his label boss, Anthony “Top Dawg” Tiffith, who he was worried would see him as a “liability.” He also revealed that he had kept the story behind his injuries a secret to many close relatives until this interview.

“To all of my extended family and friends who were concerned, I couldn’t stay off seeing pictures of me in the boot [cast],” he said. “My real family were concerned and tapping in and wondering what happened to me. I would just be like, ‘Ah man, you know, I’m blind, retarded, man, just fell a little too hard.’

“I wouldn’t tell nobody because for the sake of my family, my mom, my auntie, I didn’t want the telephone effect. You tell one person, ‘Herb on drugs, Herb done gone crazy.’ My mom already had to deal with… I can only imagine what she thinks. I tell her I’m okay, I was telling her I was okay then. I can only imagine what she’s going through. I didn’t want to add that to her plate as well.”

He added: “I wanted to tell my story right here in one place [about] what happened … You call me and talk to me. If you need to know anything further, I think we done covered it all, but leave my mama alone, leave my auntie alone. I’m sorry, I love y’all, but I had to do it this way.”

Ab-Soul revealed he spent “a lot of time” recovering from the incident and described the journey as a solitary one, while reassuring his fans and loved ones that he is no longer suicidal.

“As soon as my family and friends knew I was okay and I explained what happened, I had to make it clear to everybody that I wasn’t a suicidal person,” he explained. “I’m still not. That is not it.

“I felt that… relief. When I knew everybody was dealing with it in their own way and we were okay is when I got back to — I spent a lot of time in recovery, in solitude by myself.”

When Charlamagne asked him how he’s so sure those feelings won’t resurface, Soul replied: “Because I’ve talked about it, I’m talking about it now. And I actually went back to where I did, I walked the path and said, ‘Bro, you are really the illest. That was gnarly, dude.'” That’s how strong my faith is. I can’t even kill me. I’m on God’s time, bro.”

He added: “I mean, I’m a human being. I’m trying to figure out why I’m the best rapper in the world and I’m broke! I got problems, relationships, you know. But it didn’t drive me to be suicidal. My problems make me want to find solutions, and I say that to you in all honesty.

“I’ve cried enough about this and I’m wearing it now. And now I understood. I know this is a platform, I have a voice, there are people that watch me and pay attention to me, if you’ve been there, don’t think you’re alone. I’ve been there, too.”