Big Sean shed tears while recalling the moment he almost abandoned his dreams of rapping, noting that he “was so depressed.”
The Detroit rapper stopped by Charlamagne Tha God‘s “Out of Context” on Friday (August 2) to discuss fatherhood, new music and his rap career.
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While chatting about the highs and lows of his life in the spotlight, Sean reflected on just how far he’s come.
Sean began: “I had found this list before I rapped for Ye that I wrote down. I was lightweight into it, but I was just busy. I was in high school. I saw this list that said ‘G.O.O.D. Music, No.1. No.2 Roc-A-Fella. No.3 Shady Records. No.4 Grand Hustle. No.5 Interscope.’
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“I just had a list of, these are the top five labels I wanna be signed to. G.O.O.D. Music was number one, and I saw that and I was on that path. It was one of them omens, it was just one little thing I needed to realize, ‘I can do this, bro. I met Ye and rapped for him. He said he wanted to sign me.'”
He continued: “I just manifested and visualized the paperwork coming in. In that time, bro, in that one year, I was so depressed that I just wanted to give up bad.”
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Charlamagne asked if he wanted to give up on rap or life, and Sean added: “Just on the rap. Of course when you depressed you always think about killing yourself. I wasn’t being that dramatic then, but I was just like, ‘Okay, I’m done.’ I remember I applied for community college. I remember my grandma was like, ‘Just apply for community college.’ I just remember my mom being like, ‘What are you doing?’ It was a moment, dawg.”
Sean grew weepy when recalling his mom encouraging him to keep chasing his dream. Check out the clip below, which begins at about the 26:55 mark.
The “I Know” rapper has come a long way since those early doubts, and it sounds like he’ll be as confident as ever on his forthcoming album, Better Me Than You.
Late last month, he released the trailer for the project, which included some mysterious graphs.
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The psychedelic clip was soundtracked by an unreleased song featuring a funky bass line, spacey synths and pounding percussion, and showed four pie-shaped graphs at the end.
Sean Don broke down what they mean.
“When I was making this album, I was going through I felt like the same four emotions, really,” he explained. “And I remember I sat down and I drew this chart one day that just represented how I was feeling. I hand-drew it and I was like man, I never really saw this chart before.
“I ended up getting it animated. and it’s four different charts that represent four different feelings, four different moods of the album, four different emotions that I was going through personally.”
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He continued: “First of all, I was under a lot of pressure. But going through that pressure led to clarity, which led to me being able to focus on happiness and living in that happiness briefly, and then going right back to the pressure. But I drew these graphs out and it really just brought the album to life for me.”
Editorial note: Anyone struggling with suicidal thoughts or their mental health is encouraged to call the toll-free 24-hour Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988.
