Darius Epps never lied.
Florida Man is a real thing, and the alt-right Johnny Appleseed has made the jump from internet headlines to social media craze.
The “Florida Man Challenge” consists of people Googling “Florida Man” followed by their birthday to see what act of depravity made the headlines on the date they were born.
We decided to match crazy with crazy: Since the Wu-Tang Clan embodies the wildness of Florida Man in its raps, we decided to apply the challenge to the Wu (and some of its affiliates).
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Check it out, and uh, stay out of Florida.
Raekwon – January 12
“Alligator, python wrestle on Fiddler’s Creek Golf Club near Naples.”
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And somehow, Raekwon won.
Method Man – March 2nd
“Florida man sentenced to 10 days for dragging shark behind boat”
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Mr. Tical has likely never dragged a shark behind a boat but he has, however, dragged a few rappers through proverbial rough waters once or twice.
Ghostface Killah – May 9
“Florida man cited after authorities found an illegally poached gator foot stuck in his dashboard.”
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Nah, that doesn’t sound like Ghost. If anything, Tony Starks would where the foot around his neck for the world to see.
RZA – July 5th
“Florida man seen on video lighting fireworks inside Dollar Tree”
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Well, he and The Abbot both produce fire at least.
Inspectah Deck – July 6
“Florida man arrested for urinating on car, running away from police”
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They don’t call him a “rebel” for nothing, you know.
Masta Killa – August 18
“Florida man, 88, burns raccoon over eating mangoes.”
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He’s 88 years old. He wants. So. Little. Just don’t eat his damn mangoes!
GZA – August 22
“Florida Man tries to attack neighbor with tractor”
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Breaker, breaker one-nine.
Cappadonna – September 18th
“Florida Man spotted riding jet ski on Florida road”
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While Cappadonna can ride a grimy RZA style beat (and a taxi cab), this wild antic — oddly enough — isn’t illegal. Just crazy, goggles and all.
U-God – November 10th
“Florida Man catches record-setting 17-foot python”
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Luckily the only thing venomous was U-God’s latest studio album – which unfortunately wasn’t as record-setting as the snake.
Old Dirty Bastard – November 15th
“Florida woman stabs husband with sword”
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Too bad it wasn’t liquid.
Bonus
Redman – April 17
“Pajama-wearing Florida man reportedly wanted to flirt with Waffle House waitress, pulls a knife out.”
This actually sounds like a Reggie Noble bar when you think about it.
Words by Aaron McKrell & Scott Glaysher.
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